I know it was the music pumping through my body and your warm arms wrapped around me, holding me upright because the whiskey found its way into my bloodstream. It was the softness of your pillow against my head and the way your sheets wrapped around my legs, like ghosts who had come to find a body to dive into. It was my hands in your hair and the way you kissed in the rain. It was passion, it was comforting, it was real. We fucked it up. I realized that for months I had visions of what I wanted us to be, and every-time that illusion was crushed I would retreat, angry and bitter you weren’t living up to the fantasy in my head. You were clear, I was faltered. I was a fool and you were the Joker. You gave me words and you gave me your arms and I floated into them like a feather. You gave me silence and gave your arms to someone else and I hit the ground like an anchor. We woke together only once, a feeling of warmth that made sense but was taken away once reality crept back in. I knew I wasn’t the only woman who had slept in that bed recently. Grabbing my glasses, taking a breath and seeing you in those sheets I thought, “Who am I to love the man that everyone else falls for?”
A kiss on the forehead. A hand on my thigh wondering if I would stay as I turned and looked into those sleepy eyes one last time. Walking down your stairs, shutting the front door behind me, throwing my messy hair up quickly and becoming the one that got away.
This is the final story in my project, "Pieces." Though these were difficult to write and photograph, thank you for your feedback and sticking with me through the last week.
This project is extremely personal for me as it navigates through images and written essays, or love stories, about my lovers and how they took of a 'piece' of me when things ended. I chose to shoot these in lingerie that reminded me of them, or quite literally was for them at the time we were together. Shooting these images, allowing myself to feel what happened, being completely vulnerable and half naked as if they were standing in front of me once again... All of it allowed me to gain some sense of control back that had been lost before. I took back those pieces they took, and now I'm whole once again.